Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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