I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
