this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
