yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
