Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
