oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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