I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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