Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
