all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
