it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Randomize
