I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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