Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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