WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
