So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
there was a trapeze. enough said
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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