I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
