so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
