I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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