There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
