I accidentally burped into my bong.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
