I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
