The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He kissed a someone with a penis
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
