I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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