that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
either way he was missing a nipple.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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