Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
