We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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