I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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