found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
