i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
