my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
