Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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