dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
