If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Bring me that man meat
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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