while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize