It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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