Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize