omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
