I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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