I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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