no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
