See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
