dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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