My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
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