worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I cut my penus on the lid.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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