Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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