I heard we made out
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
