It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
