when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
