HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
