It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize