saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
