I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
