My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
