dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
