I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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