Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
