were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
