Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
