And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize