Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
