I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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