We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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