You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
