I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
