what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
