I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
only you would photoshop your dick
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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