I think scott just propositioned me for sex
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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