I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
