we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
