You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize