In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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