I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
