Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
