I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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