I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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