Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
