So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
