Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
