I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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