I should be sponsored by Trojan
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
