It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize