how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
