She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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