That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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