No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
