one word: firstdatebathroomanal
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
