I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize