I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
