I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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