He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
