I just pynch a tree in the face
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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