they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
