hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
