Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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