What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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