My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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