You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
