also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
